Embracing the Paradoxes of Being a Headmaster

Father Sawyer and I have just spent two days at the biennial conference of the National Association of Episcopal Schools. Throughout that time, I was privileged to spend several hours with one of the heroes of modern Christian education, Parker Palmer, whose books include A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life and The Promise of Paradox: A Celebration of Contradictions in the Christian Life. During that time he reminded me of two important messages.

First, he reminded me that most people have no idea what it is like to teach in a school, especially such a high-performing, mission-driven school like EDS. In fact, most people cannot possibly conceive of it unless they have done it or something like it. Even more to the point, they really have no idea what it’s like to be a headmaster in such a school. For fun, I’m trying to keep a running list of the various things that confront me in my work, the questions to answer, the problems to solve, the decisions to make, the demands on my time, etc. Unfortunately, most days I am too busy doing those things that I forget to add to the list. If I ever build a good list, I’ll post it.

Secondly, and more importantly, he reminded me that paradox is part of our natural, God-given state. He helped me re-discover that peace of mind and balance come from embracing the tensions of paradox in our lives and NOT trying to resolve or “win” them, as is our contemporary American way. The forces of good and evil, the tension of being and becoming, the passion for life and the acceptance of death – these are not resolvable by us. They are realities for us to accept, manage, and finally embrace.

The following two quotations capture well the very worst of being a headmaster and the very best. Seemingly opposite reflections, they are both true, at least for me. I have not shared them yet with the EDS faculty, but I intend to, and I suspect they will ring true for them as well. Perhaps they will resonate with you. If so, I hope you will post a comment.

The Violence of Modern Life by Thomas Merton: “There is a pervasive form of modern violence to which the idealist…most easily succumbs: activism and over-work. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of the activist neutralizes his or her work… It destroys the fruitfulness of his or her…work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful” (published in 1968!).

The True Joy of Life by George Bernard Shaw: “This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

--Ned R. Murray