Fairly frequently I get calls or emails expressing concern about certain carpool behaviors, particularly letting children ride in laps, lean out windows, or stand through sunroofs while driving through the parking lot or parents talking on cell phones. Judging frm the number and vehemence of the complaints I receive, lots of people see it as extremely dangerous and distracting (see excerpts below from two recent emails). On the other hand, a great many people clearly have no problem with these behaviors because so many people engage in them.
How should this be addressed, if at all? Can/should the school really be responsible for what is essentially a parental decision and judgment? On the other hand, can we really look the other way if we consider a behavior dangerous? Of course, some behaviors we see appear more dangerous than others. Cell phone use is controversial everywhere, but not necessarily illegal. Personally, I’m not sure it’s necessarily dangerous to let children stand with their heads out the sunroof in a parking lot when you are driving less than 10 mph, but leaning way out a window looks riskier to me. If so, what can or should the school do about it? Who gets to decide? If we take a position, how would we enforce it? Even if you don’t think it’s necessarily dangerous, should we take into consideration that it bothers so many people?
Below are just two examples of complaints I receive. I’d love to hear some dialogue from people on this issue.
“I would like to get you opinion about a situation I have been observing every day at the drop-out in the mornings. I see every day young kids either riding in the front seat of the car, standing up through the sun-roof window or, what is worst, riding on the parent’s lap while pretending they are driving. I am talking about young children (4-6 years old). My daughter… has [begun] questioning why those kids are riding that way and today, she wanted to do the same, and naturally, started to cry when I refused to let her ride in that fashion. I believe those behaviors do not set a good example for other kids and, definitely, do not have a place at a great school with an outstanding reputation as is EDS. Is there any way to address this issue? I would love to hear your thought on this matter.”
“I witnessed something early this morning that made my stomach ache and my blood boil…I looked out into the parking lot [and a car] wheeled through the line with two small children standing up in the car seat with their upper torsos hanging out of the sunroof! They were waving at the student patrols as they passed through the parking lot. Needless to say, this is an accident waiting to happen. There were adults walking through the lot. Suppose the driver had to make an abrupt stop? The image of these two children being thrown through the car roof and the image of these children hitting their faces and breaking their teeth or noses came to mind. Does the school need to address this issue with the parents?”
What do you think?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
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19 comments:
I don't have a problem with children standing on laps. The thing that scares me is excessive speed through the lot. I've witnessed this from cars coming in the Walton Way entrance beside the church then speeding up under the portico. There's no way a car could stop if a child ran from the sidewalk under the portico. A driver cannot see around the corner.
I drive carpool in the morning every other week and I have seen the kids both hanging out of windows and sunroofs. They have a lot of fun yelling out to their classmates.
I have no problem with it and have not seen it to be a safety issue. The cars are moving very slow and even if one of them stopped suddenly, the speed would not be enough to throw a child out of a roof.
On another note though, I see many parents just sitting in the line, sometimes up to three lines from the moving one, with engines running. Keep in mind that an idling engine still burns gas and the best thing you can do is to turn the car off while you are waiting-- the money you save can be donated to the EDS Fund!
As for carpool, one of the biggest grievances I see is the habitual "snub of the nose" to rules that have been in effect since the beginning of carpool. We are asked NOT to park on John's or to park at the Fuqua Center but DAILY the SAME mother's violate this rule. We all understand that occasionally you need to run in and get a child but it is the SAME PARENTS every day who act as if these rules are not important. 1st-You are telling everyone else who is sitting patiently in carpool that YOUR time is more imporatant than theirs. 2nd-You are endangering yourself and your children and possibley others who are trying to direct everyone safely. and 3rd-You are telling your kids that rules do not apply to them.
We all see you and it is very irritating! Please follow rules set for everyone!!
While I have, in the past, let my children ride hanging out of the sunroof ( I think once, maybe twice at the most), I no longer do. Having worked...on the rehab unit while in nursing school, I have found truth is stranger than fiction. I am surprised I do not raise my own children in a bubble. On the rehab unit I took care of children (months old to 16 year olds) with head and spinal cord injuries mainly caused by the most normal, everyday accidents. These included children falling off step stools and counters, down the stairs, out of windows (first and second story), slipping in tubs and showers, near drownings in buckets, trees falling on heads while camping with church youth groups, you name it. While a lot of these accidents can not be prevented, some can. It has been a simple fall that has resulted in a head injury, emergency room visit, brain swelling, coma, operations where the skull is cut out and saved to be replaced at a later date once the swelling of the brain has gone down, tracheotomies, relearning how to swallow, walk, read, ect., not to mention the emotional aspect. People with head injuries have so many emotions they have no control over and are unable to control and process, anger and sadness are signs of healing. A very slow difficult healing process. I have seen it all and it is terrible for not just the child, but the whole family, their friends and the community of the child. Some of these falls have been from a shorter distance than that out of a window of a SUV. While this may sound dramatic, truth is stranger than fiction. Why risk it. A lot of the children I took care of were healthy children thriving, and now they will never be the same. Close, but not the same. I would hate for that to happen to anyone. Maybe passing this along will change people's perception of what they think is dangerous.
The last blog, about change, asked us to comment on our favorite of a list of quotes about change. Mine is this one:"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" (Note: it was stated a little differently by Ned but I like it this way better). I'm afraid the carpool violators will never change. They will always park on John's Rd, Reid, wherever. Fortunately most people at EDS follow the rules, and the "violators" are in the small minority. Otherwise carpool would be truly chaotic and unsafe.
As for heads out the window, sunroof, etc., it does seem unlikely that someone could be catapulted out of a sunroof going less that 5mph, but it does make me a little nervous seeing kids actually sitting on the open window of the car door. But I guess reasonable minds can disagree. I think all we can realistically do is raise the issue and hope parents take heed.
One final note of some comfort to those whose blood boils at the sight of the carpool violators is to know that no one can secretly violate the rules. Everyone watches them! If it's the same people everyday that are "snubbing the rules," they are probably becoming pretty notorious! Maybe they will read this week's blog, they will recognize themselves, and cut it out.
But if not, pray the serenity prayer...
I agree w/ the response regarding carpool mothers/fathers/caretakers etc. that do not follow the rules. I wait every day and do follow the rules. Why is their time more important than anyone elses.I realize patrolling other "lots" is difficult, but I see the same people doing it over and over!!!
In response to parking across the street from EDS. I believe you are not to park in the lot directly across the exit driveway of EDS. As it is difficult for the guard to direct traffic in four directions and handle foot traffic. Parking in the Fuqua Center does not require the guard's attention at all.
As for children standing up in the cars while moving, it is the parents' responsibility and you can't control it; so give it up. If your kids see it, you explain "we don't do what everyone else does". It's a matter of common sense, to me.
And what about the rule that the carpool should not pull around to line up until 2:45? We know who you are, too...........
Possibly one reason why John's road is so popular for carpool is that it is frustrating when you are in the carpool line and drivers get out of their cars and disappear..........holding everyone up. If you can't find your children, go around again.
I don't think you can control what is essentially a personal responsibility of the parent and how they raise their kids. One commenter rightly mentioned that just because other people do something it doesn't mean you have to. We as a society can't dictate personal behavior until it affects the society. Skipping carpool lines because you think you are a VIP is rude and discourteous to others. Public humiliation might be a good remedy. Allowing your kids to sit in your lap or stick their head out the window too far might be dangerous, but heck just getting in the car every day is dangerous. Swinging on a swing with no pillows below you is dangerous. As the nurse showed, we can't possibly make rules to cover all the possibilities. We can lovingly remind each other to be safe and be there to pick up the pieces when something does happen . As unfortunate as life is sometimes, its the way we learn, children and parents alike.
Well, our children could have to ride a bus where there are no seat belts and you are unable to monitor their behavior at all.... Where your children could get bullied, pushed or beaten half to death! We should all feel blessed that our children have opportunities to a great education lot of little kids dont have. As far as carpool - be mindful of others. AND.... all it will take is one child busting their head open on the pavement. That is unfortunate but true. It wont be my child's head!
In regard to "snubbing" of carpool.... Do you truly know any of these people or their story??? Some have legitimate reasons. You should not be so quick to judge others.
Why does it really matter if some people allow their child to walk to their car down the street? Just like the kids standing up in the cars, it is the parents' decision to allow it. The school allows you to sign the form. So why not?
Some of us are just too concerned with what other people are doing. That's what is irritating.
To the last blogger, I agree with the person who wrote about the "rule snubbers" . The rules are there for everyone's safety not only the EDS children but those who frequent the Appleby Library, the surrounding neighbors, the traffic on Walton Way, etc.
Also, I do know many of these violators and they are not rushing back to a busy career. They just do not want to be bothered with driving through the lines. I know this because I have asked several.
There are situations that arise where we must go get a child to make a quick exit and there are usually parking spots available on The Church of the Good Shepards property.
I think the school has the best interest of EVERYONE in mind. Let's all try to work within the guidelines that are set.
The issue is a SAFETY issue. WE send our children to EDS for a good education and to keep them SAFE. To have them hanging out of a car is clearly NOT SAFE. If you let them now, what happens when they are 16 and driving with a car full of friends.
That is if they make it that long! Children are buckled in for a reason.. they are projectiles. I do not understand how parents can say they are ok with hanging out the window but not ok with how fast people drive.. Lets think about that for a minute. IF we were all driving slow there would be no need for seatbelts at all! WE should drive with caution for the children in and outside the vehicle. As far as the school controlling it, you ask us to stay off our cell phones why cant you ask us to keep our kids in the vehicle? Find a punishment for it that effects the parents and you will solve the problem! But atleast you should make a stand saying it is unsafe and not condoned by the school (instead of waving the the children hanging out!) Otherwise eventually someone on is going to get hurt and if you think the parent is going to take resposibility you are wrong, they are going to sue the school for it happening on school property!
what really concerns me is the small children you see that don't make it through the gate in the morning and are seen turning in circles confused because their parents have already driven off and the gate is shut. thank goodness for the teachers and staff that stand outside to check on this and redirect the small children through the office. that could be an accident waiting to happen. these kids have to be children in kindergarten or lower because they are not in uniform.
All we can ask, is that the school send out a letter expressing the concern that children hanging out of car windows and sunroofs, and not being buckled up during carpool is viewed as a safety issue. It is then up to the parent to use GOOD judgement concerning the safety of their child/children. And we must leave it at that..the parents' decision. I can not count the number of times I have seen other parents allowing their children to do things I would never dream of letting my children do, and that is the right and choice of parents. There are probably things I allow mine to do, that others would be upset about. I agree with the comment about being able to accept the things we can not change, but I would say, "being able to accept the things we can not CONTROL".
I have been with EDS for 12 years and all of this has been going on since then. It's going to drive you all crazy if you keep worrying about it! And I don't see the school getting sued over a child falling out of a car into their parking lot. If so, it would be happening everywhere. It is the driver's responsibility to ensure all passengers are belted at all times.
And if people "don't want to be bothered by going through the line", then fine. They are the ones taking the risk, not you. Be happy and take heart that you are doing the right thing.
I wonder how long carpool would be if the people on John's actually got into the line?
The issue is less about speed than momentum--a 40 pound child moving at 5 mph has seven times the momentum of a baseball pitched at 90 mph. Whether or not the child would be thrown from the sunroof, the resulting force from any sudden stop (much less an immediate stop like a collision) would certainly be enough to seriously injure a 5 year old. Does this mean the school should take a position? I believe they have. Whether or not the school needs to make it a matter of policy is an entirely different question.
I'm a working single parent and truly do not have time to wait in carpool in order to drop my child off AND be able to get to work on time. I don't think I'm better than any one else. I do know that there aren't too many single parents (from a household and financial perspective) that have children that attend EDS. If I choose to drop my child off at John's Road, that's my business. Would you have a problem if I made him walk by himself several miles to school each day instead? John's Road is a much safer option...
I've watched carpool actually slow down because of children hanging out of windows. The cars driving past slow to a crawl and sometimes stop or swerve a bit because the drivers are worried about a child falling out in front of their cars. Anyone who has gone through morning carpool knows that all it takes is one car stopping or stalling or blocking a lane for carpool to back up.
As far as people not having the time to sit through carpool in the morning because they have jobs to get to, I find this a false argument. EDS accepts students as early as 7:00 a.m. There are NO carpool lines until 7:50. That is almost a full hour for a parent, single or otherwise, to bring their children to school without having to sit in any sort of line.
Parking across the street from EDS does greatly affect the time it takes for afternoon carpool to clear. The crossing guard has to let the walkers go through the crosswalk before he lets the cars exit. In addition to annoying our neighbors at Reid, who do not want their parking lot used as a carpool pickup zone, it is discourteous to those following the proper procedures designed to keep everyone safe.
Are some of our children old enough and responsible enough to walk down the sidewalk on Walton Way safely? Sure. But I think all of us have seen children much too young walking alone down that incredibly busy street. And we continue to see people park at Applebee even though we are reminded more than once a year that that is unacceptable. At least Applebee has some legal recourse and can have law enforcement issue tickets or have cars towed if they choose.
We can't force people to be responsible and/or courteous but hopefully through communication we will make parents more aware of how their choices can affect others.
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